Happy New Year by the way….a little late I know.  I have been quiet the last few days.  Taking a Sabbath of sorts.  Just back from a facial with my amazing esthetician and friend, Charity from Katana Spa & Salon and am finally beginning to make some sense of things without turning into a big pile of tears.  I can’t help it.  As I have said before, I am a) Italian b) a Pisces, 3) a gurl and d) also Irish.  What this means is that I am a hot mess of emotion at times and a big love most of the time.  2015 saw me being quite Italian as my brother would call it.   It was a trying year but one that brought so much growth and creativity.  So much that it has been hard to even fully appreciate it all.  Soba Yoga™ now has it’s own 12 week curriculum for Integrative Health for recovery with a manual that I wrote.  I completed work on stress management workshops, made a health coaching curriculum, worked more on a recipe booklet for stress management, Soba Yoga™ is relocated into a space that I will rent at the Arts at the Armory in Somerville which begins this week and the list goes on and on.

I could make this a “10 things I learned” type of post or a “5 top things” sort  of deal but I won’t.  I am going to boil it down to two words.   I believe that not only 2015 but the year previous to it as well had one thing in mind for me.  One truth that I was to find out on the quest. It was something so deep that it has brought up every single fear that I have ever had and attempted to blow them to smithereens.   What is that thing you ask?  What is the thing that I was meant to learn that would rock the foundation of my whole being?????  Well I will tell you.  It was…..

You are so much stronger than you could ever imagine.

You have a wealth of untapped courage and determination.

And we are going to show you just how much strength and courage you truly possess.

And yes it did.  The mission that the cosmos had has been almost complete.  With a little tap dance that will occur very soon.

In our last chat Overcome the Beast Within I shared with you about my internal Beast that has attacked me since I was young.  I also shared about an external Beast that has very much appeared in the same likeness.  I must say that it is beginning to feel like I left that internal Beast at the drop of the ball.  Once I sat back on New Years Eve to take account, as we all often do on this day, I began to realize just HOW MUCH I had gone through in the year.  A friend who has known me for a while reflected to me  on the day after Christmas “You have really grown.  If this happened to you years ago you never would have handled it in the same way.”  That made me really reflect on how much I have changed through this process.  As I sat back on New Years Eve to write down what I wanted to leave behind in 2015, something came up inside me…it started like a small whisper but has since grown into a growl.  It said to me…

Damn gurrl you DO have a lot of strength and courage

What are you so worried about?

You have all you need.  You have done all the work needed to be done

The one thing you are now missing is…..

Faith.

Ah so that’s the ticket that has been missing all along.  This social worker who teaches yoga and has a spiritual program that she is building, who also teaches others to have a foundation in spirituality was missing her own spiritual connection.  She was also missing a key element to success which is acknowledging one’s own internal reserves of strength and courage.  Where had these things gone???  Well I think that the inner Beast had done a very good job at suffocating them and whatever the internal Beast hadn’t done the External Beast took care of the rest.  But I often tell my clients, people don’t make you feel anything you are not already feeling.  They don’t push buttons that are not already there.  I was ripe for the picking so to speak.  But the interesting thing about personal growth is that it is only in the darkest of times that we actually learn just how STRONG we really are.

I have a well of strength inside of me that runs deep, far and wide.  It is something that I believe is a part of my soul’s evolution but it is also something that has come from nurture.  My family has seen it’s challenges both historically and more recently.  The historical challenges have been a part of our past.  Parts of a story that I rarely share these days as the details don’t matter much to me anymore.  When the moon was moving towards full on Christmas Eve my heart grew three sizes from all the gratitude I had for them.  Not only have I grown stronger this year but my family has as well.  It feels like we are the closest we have ever been.  Ever since Christmas I have DEFINITELY been WAY TOO Italian but in all the good ways one could ever imagine.  I feel grateful for my heritage that has taught me that family is the most important thing of all.

2015 you were a bit of a bitch I won’t lie

You had me at January 1st and you didn’t let up until December 31st.  But I must say just as they say about my birthday month….You came in like a lion and went out like a lamb.  You taught me that I don’t need to fret and worry (things Italians do including my wise ass brother,) because I am being taken care of.  Not in the way that I would have always wanted or currently would really like…but in the way that I truly needed.  I have always needed to realize there is a larger process at work with players that I can’t always see until I do.  Opportunities come our way when we do the footwork.  When you put a foot in front of the other you never know what lies ahead.

As I fully said my goodbyes to 2015, I also said goodbye to being stuck in fear, to doubting my own strength, to losing faith in myself and in the Universe/Spirit/God what have you.  I let go of being stuck in the past, my anger about things I can’t control and my trying to control the uncontrollable.  It’s all so last year and I’m over it.  I walked peacefully into 2016 knowing that my energy is now being used to move forward and build what it is I came here to build.

Did this story resonate with you?  Was 2015 a bitch to you as well??  I would LOVE to hear more about how you have learned and grown from this process. Leave your comments below!

I leave you with a song that I heard on my way home from my facial.  It reminds me of my childhood. It reminds me of strength and courage and love.  It was in Motown the Musical.  The mountains are high and the valleys are low but they are never high or low enough to keep me from getting to you babe!!

Cheers!!

Looking for some support along the way towards wellness?  Come meet with me in my office in Watertown, Ma for a consultation.  Contact me