Three years ago I, like many, was seeking shelter within the storm. My mind was cluttered with anxious thoughts and my body vibrating on a daily basis with stress, anger, frustration, loss, etc. You name the emotion, I had it.
Part way through 2020, it felt high time to find an outlet. I thought…” I have all this time I should read, right?” Although a great idea, reading did not come easy to my scattered and anxious brain. Then a thought occurred to me…”what about reading the Harry Potter trilogies?” Yea, that sounded perfect. And so I went online, made the first purchase.
And so it began…
Three years later, as I am approaching the end of the seventh book, (many other books were added into the mix over the years as my brain began to settle) I am now seeing so very clearly what this journey has been about.
See, I have been on such a journey of self acceptance and self love. I have cleansed and cleared every part of my being internal and external. My life in the beginning of 2020 was cluttered with so much. So many people who weren’t in alignment with my true self; that is the self I was still at age 49 was not capable of fully accepting. The chaos that was the external world only further pushed me to come to terms with parts of myself I had yet to discover.
I found my voice.
I stood up for my commitment to living a holistic and natural path of health and wellness. And boy did I find out that many people were not happy with that idea! Yet, as I grew more confident in myself to confront the darkness within me, I found myself less concerned with what other people felt or believed. In time, it seemed those that felt strongly that I should be someone I am not, just evaporated. Some silently going away, some with more of a proverbial mic dropping.
Many a days and nights spent in my apartment working through emotions that had long been stored away only to be rediscovered at a time when all my usual go to distractions had been taken away.
By the beginning of this year, a year that promises to turn into something different, I was able to see the overlap between my journey and that of Harry Potter. It truly is no surprise really. In getting to know the characters I am DEFINITELY a Harry. Harry is precocious, likes adventure, HATES being told what to do, is very intuitive and in tune with others. He stands up for what he believes in even though it often times gets him into trouble. Yup, checks all the boxes for sure!
And so one day when I was reading a realization came to mind; really an epiphany of sorts. Wait a minute I said to myself….this fantasy book series is not just about fantasy but it’s about what is actually going on within all of us.
Cut to this scene from “The Order of the Phoenix.”
Voldemort takes possession of Harry Potter and says…
“Harry, you are so weak, so vulnerable.”
Dumbledore comes over to Harry and says…
“Harry it is not how you are alike, it is how you are not.”
Harry envisions all of the times when he has received and given love and says…
“You are the weak one, you will never know love or friendship and I feel sorry for you.”
This dissolves the possession and Voldemort leaves…for now.
Bam…and there it is.
This story, this tale, is not a fantasy at all. It is about the light and dark that is within all of us. Harry Potter’s duel with Voldemort is not external but it is actually what is going on inside of Harry throughout the series; it is the duel that goes on inside every human being.
This tale is about the light and the dark that is within all of us. We all have our demons or our Voldemort. We also have our light, happiness and love; our inner Harry. And it is all about which one we let lead the way. It is about whether we deal with our darkness to reveal our light.
The anger, rage and divisiveness we feel in our external world these days has very little to do with a difference in political views. It has everything to do with the light and the dark within each individual person that makes up the collective. Why does our society feel so dark these days? It’s because we have allowed our own darkness to lead the way and therefore make for a very negative and dark collective energy.
While everyone is fighting for what they believe in, who is right and who is wrong, we move further and further away from the light; we distance ourselves from our own capacity to love.
Dumbledore tells Harry…
“Your greatest gift is your ability to love.”
Isn’t that true for all of us? I would say yes, yes it is. But if we are struggling to love ourselves then we are certainly going to struggle with fully being able to authentically love others.
You can imagine my surprise when I realized I was reading books that we’re not about escaping reality but instead were actually EXACTLY aligned with what was occurring in the present moment. Harry Potter is on a quest to release his darkness, his grief, his anger and his difficulties reconciling with his own uniqueness. All of these are represented in the character Voldemort who is actually Harry Potter’s pain.
Once Harry Potter begins to realize that he doesn’t have to be his pain but that he actually is, at the core, made from and of love, he finds himself able to release his pain/Voldemort from his being.
The first half of this year has taken me on the last leg of my journey; a journey that has lasted 52 years now. I am at the point of finally reconciling with my own inner demons and ready to leave them behind for lands far and wide.
The terms have come for me in relation to who I am at the core. I am free from the chains that I have allowed to bind me and free to be me. My inner fairy child can come out and dance for reals now. Whatever parts of me that make others uncomfortable is truly theirs to deal with. I do not have to be anything for anyone that doesn’t sit well within my soul and ultimately my gut.
The freedom that comes from finding the light within the dark is insurmountable and almost something that is hard to put into words. Harry still lives within me. He always will. I am at the core a person who just says it like it is. But the sense of peace that I have found within myself has me realizing that I don’t need to be so loud and in anyone’s face to prove that I am worthy. A confident and at peace person is not the one that speaks the loudest. Confidence is that quiet voice that says “I know I am worthy and I invite you to know that as well.”
So I invite you into this space to know you are worthy. I invite you to make peace with your own inner Voldemort so that your true light, your ability to love, can radiate like the rays of the sun.
Cheers to embracing all of you and shining from here to eternity!