It has been a while since our last chat. Life has been a bit long and hard lately. ‘Tis the season for as much stress as one can handle without snapping and being on the news. Interestingly the stress I have been under has very little to do with the season so to speak. It is more respresentative of an internal shift that has been building all year. During our chats and in my yoga classes I have been speaking about the astrology of this year. It has been quite intense in the area of pushing all of us to our outer limits. Even though this process has felt like we have all been in some evil torture chamber, there has been a purpose to all of this turmoil. We have been pushed to deal with our underside; our dark side so to speak. Seeing the darkness and dealing with it head on has helped a lot of us move forward in ways we never have could otherwise. I would be in this category for sure.
For as challenging as a certain situation I have been dealing with has been, what has been more difficult is the realization that I am not in a challenge with someone outside of myself but instead the challenge I am overcoming is within.
This internal battle represents the tale Beautiy and the Beast. I am slated for both the role of Beauty and that of the Beast. There they are the beautiful petite Beauty with her long curly hair and the Beast, this big burly being with an angry look on his face. Somerwhere in between them is my soul. My soul has been trapped for a very long time between the girl with the curls who tries to do everything right and the Beast who judges her every move. She has achieved many academic degrees, certification and completed many trainings. She has helped countless people in ways that she probably doesn’t even know. But the Beast could care less about all that. He attacks Beauty any time he can. He tells her that she could never possibly obtain what she wants in life. That she will never be happy because she will always be striving for something that is not attainable. He tells her lots of mean things so that she will continue to stay small. He has been doing this for as long as Beauty can remember. Beauty doesn’t think that there has been a time when the Beast wasn’t front and center pushing her to run faster and faster.
Then there is my soul. It has been suffocating the whole time. It has a voice that speaks but often in fear and anger. It hasn’t known how to fully stand up to the Beast and how to best care for Beauty.
The interesting thing is that over the past couple of years there has been a situation in my external world that has very intimately reenacted this internal conflict. The most intriguing thing that has happened is that my soul’s voice has gotten louder as a result.
Let me introduce you to my soul.
She likes to dance. While Beauty knew this, what she didn’t know is that her soul liked to write and was incredibly creative. Her soul had taken the shape of a heart over the years; seemingly without Beauty even knowing it and much to the Beast’s chagrin. These are all things that Beauty discovered about her soul along the way. Beauty also learned that her soul was that it was so very tired and sad. Beauty witnessed her soul crying A LOT over the past couple of years especially this year. During this the Beast grew in size. He took on an external form rather than just internal. He has done this many times before but this time he was much more serious about it. This external Beast loves to treat Beauty just like the internal Beast does; completely dismissing any goodness that has been done or created. The external Beast appears angry at the world just like the Beast within has been. My soul’s voice has risen and begun to speak up in a way that it never has; both towards the internal and external Beast. Guess what appears to be happening to Beauty’s soul?
Her confidence has grown ten fold
Doors are flying open!!
There are still challenges to come before this tale is over; challenges that most likely lie ahead in the near future. While that may be true, there is a battle that has already be to wind down. A whole has begun to form from the fragmented parts. Beauty and her soul have begun to overcome the Beast. Many a spiritual tale has been written about similar internal battles. I can only speak to how this has taken place in my life. I am no longer scared of what will be. I am no longer holding myself back from taking the risks that are needed in order to keep forging forward. My soul is speaking up and taking care of Beauty. The Beast, while he is still there both inside and out, he has begun to walk the path away defeated. He will still rear his ugliness I am sure but it won’t really matter much. Life has begun to change and there is no going back.
This is my 2015 spiritual tale. Many who know me know of the details of the external Beast but only few know more of the intimate details about the Beast within. He has been my gremlin, my sabeteur, since I was very young. He represents the part of me that has been hurting and needed a hug. He was loud and angry and bitter. He did only what he knew to do to shield me from the possibility of failure in the real world. What he didn’t know was that he was also shielding me from letting the light shine within. He was ultimately shielding me from Beauty’s love.
As I sit here chatting with you in a cafe I love, tears have been shed telling you this intimate story. It is a part of me that is hard to share because it requires that I be vulnerable; something the Beast has been protecting me against. But the only thing that can transform anger is love. So it is with great love that I share this story with you. My heart to yours….
What challenges have you overcome this year? What is your internal Beast, gremlin, Sabateur and how do you show love towards him/her?
I leave you with this gorgeous song from all around the world….DON’T WORRY!
Much love along the path,