These days it has been nothing but change. This week especially. I feel like I have been saying this for months. As I have mentioned previously, astrologers have been stating that this year and last have been incredible years of growth. I have been pushed beyond the limits that I thought I would and at the same time my intuition keeps rising. Life gets clearer and in fact somewhat simpler albeit utterly exhausting. I am generally a person that LOVES being around people and this year I have done more hibernating than ever before even in the beautiful weather that the summer brings. This internal time has helped me balance all the changes that seem to be happening internally and externally. Sometimes I have wanted to just turn the AC up high so I can pretend it’s cold and hide under a blankie with hot tea. This week has brought a lot of that. Why you ask? Well….
It began with a trip down the Cape on Sunday to spend time with an old friend. This pic of the AMAZING sunset I saw is just one of many that I took as I sat listening to the tide wash in and breath in the salt air as the colors got more fantastical. Sunday night brought late night conversations about wellness coaching, Your Whole Healing, Soba Yoga – yoga for recovery, and my overall aim towards bringing wellness coaching into the realm of therapy so I can spread the message wide and far. And then it was on. Monday morning came and I awoke from the most illuminating dream I have had thus far (and I tend to have some pretty vivid dreams that are quite meaningful.) Ok so let me set it up for you…..I was with Tom Cruise (yes I said Tom Cruise…why? Why ask….it’s a dream) I am packing a car as if I am taking my things literally off to some place new. He is helping me and I say….
Sorry this didn’t work out. I had wish it had been different but it’s time for me to go.
And BOOM I wake up out of this fog. I lay there with the cool breeze that comes through windows on Cape Cod and wonder in amazement “WHAT WAS THAT?” And then a smile comes across my face. I know who Tom Cruise is. He is a person from my distant past who I never fully said goodbye too. A person who has always lingered like a ghost around me. Yet while I knew Tom represented this person…I am also aware he represented several people/situations that I am leaving these days. So it was with resolve to wash that gray right out of my hair (yes literally doing this today) that I came home to wash away old energy from my house. Boxes of pictures, memories of years gone past were pulled out, gone through and tears shed. Though it wasn’t until the week moved forward more that I had a sudden realization, with hurt feelings, that the walking away was deeper than just throwing away old remnants from my past. Sometimes you know things before you know them. This happens to me quite often. I knew that something would go down that would reek of stabbing backs but didn’t know when. Well this week it occurred. So it was with less shock than sadness that I was to move on from yet more people. It is almost like the Universe is not having any half assing these days. While I am not a person who generally half asses anything, I can be a person who prolongs shutting doors past the point when the need to be shut. This week some doors have been slammed shut for good and you know what???
It’s all ok….more than ok…actually freeing
Letting go feels AMAZING
I won’t say that many tears haven’t been shed. Yes they have. And I can’t say that I am skipping and jumping because I am not. But a quiet sense of freedom is coming over me. The changes that I was pushed to make this week have been holding me back for a long time. I have moved through life with a sense of fear and doom about me like a black cloud over my shoulder. I focus more on the positive than I do on the black cloud most of the time but it’s there nonetheless. Yet as I sit here having tea with you I can say that walking away has been freeing. I am exhausted but I am free. I am feeling grateful that things revealed themselves in a way because they needed to be revealed. I don’t need to hold grudges for stabbed backs because it has nothing to do with me. People’s actions, behaviors and words have nothing to do with you. They are only a reflection of that person. Taking things personally is a reflection of your own issues with self esteem. In the past I would have taken these actions as a reflection against myself. Today I know much differently. It all has nothing to do with me at all.
When you let go of needing approval from others
When you are at peace with who you are everything else falls away.
No one can harm you because their actions are their own.
It is with this that I come back to the words to Ben Harper’s song “Walk Away.” It is a song that I have come back to over the past couple of years as layers upon layers have been stripped away.
He sings “sometimes you just have to walk away and head for the door…They say that time will make all this go away but it’s time that has taken my tomorrows and turned them into yesterdays.” If you let the past be the past….seeing it for what it truly is, both the good and not so good, you are able to set yourself free. Harper sings about a relationship he is struggling to let go of. But what I have always thought he was singing about was the struggle we all go through when we know we need to let go but are having a tough time doing so. The tough times are behind me now. This week letting go has come easily and freely. There are just energies that don’t serve my highest self and it’s totally fine that they are no longer there. In fact it is more than fine. I have realized if I am going to create a wellness coaching business than I need to be well myself. I can not help people let go of what no longer serves them if I can’t do that for myself. Holding on to memories of long ago without be real with yourself about what is happening here in the present moment is definitely not going to bring you towards the light.
Let go….walk away from those people, places and situations that no longer serve your highest good. My guess is once you do this you will be AMAZED at how good you feel. At the moment I am left at the end of this week feeling a little like a newborn or a toddler. Some things have been stripped away and not yet replaced by others. But that’s ok too. The space in between will help me think more about what would fit best in this new chapter of my life. What places and people have energy that uplifts me towards the whitest clouds? That is a question I will be sitting with for now.
Is the Universe giving you some nudges lately too? How are you meeting the challenge and moving forth?
Cheers to moving forward along your path towards the light!
Looking for some support along the way towards wellness? Come meet with me in my office in Watertown, Ma for a consultation. Contact me