These days I have been taking a bit of a time out to recoup and move forward. Life gave me a huge one two knock out a couple of weeks ago and I am working towards becoming upright again. I spoke in our last chat Get Up Stand Up .about having taken a stand to speak up for myself in a way that I hadn’t been. I knew when I did this that it would have huge implications and it did. While there was some very clear things that came from the fall out, one that I am discovering is my own freedom. It was something that got lost amongst all of the obvious things that occurred on the surface.
Freedom is one of those things that is taken for granted. It’s not something you can put words to unless you are in a position where your freedom is oppressed or taken from you. For longer than I care to admit I was in a situation where I was attacked for being different; for knowing things that other people did not. I had never before been in that kind of situation where it was truly unsafe to have thoughts of your own. I witnessed many times where people who thought independently were attacked and told they were wrong. Instead of fully standing up, I decided to keep my voice quiet until I couldn’t any longer. It was time that this caged bird sang.
The other day I heard this song on the radio and it reminded me of myself and of this uprising inside me
What’s wrong with being confident???
Interestingly, Demi Lovato’s video for this song has her in prison and dealing with a variety of violent situations. When there is an assault on our ability to be who we are it tends to be perceived as the person being oppressed is being a trouble maker. Why can’t the person just play the game, right? There seems to be this accepted practice in a lot of environments where people should just KNOW THEIR ROLE. Hmmmm what does that even mean? I should know that I should stay quiet in service of another’s ego? I should know that there are unwritten rules that I wasn’t given when I signed up for this that I should know I should be abiding by? The concept of “playing the game” is one of master manipulation and coercion. Most often people who are expected to play by the rules never knew the rules to begin with.
The only time when it’s not OK to be confident is when you are around people who actually are not confident themselves. Having the freedom to be you is only seen as a deficit in an environment where there is abuse. Otherwise confidence is sexy, right? Guys who like confident women are usually the ones who are comfortable in their own skin. They don’t need a woman to feed their ego because they are more than that.
It’s hard for me to own that I put up with such abuse for so long. I have been sitting with the question that is on most people’s minds when they hear of such situations…..
Why did you stay?
Well just like most people who have been in abusive situations..I was scared. I was scared that being fully free to be me meant that I would be taking a risk that would have serious consequences that I wasn’t sure I could bare. My decision was in service of my fear which, at the time, felt more important that the decision that would be in line with my spirit.
I believe in the end the Universe wanted me to learn that I never needed to keep myself chained to that jail cell. I never needed the safety net I so desperately felt was the only thing that could keep me safe. Instead, I was always safe in the arms of spirit. I was to learn that being confident means fully standing firmly in your truth and knowing that when you do there is nothing you can’t handle. It was the wavering and fear that allowed me to keep falling down. Like any good boxer or self defense teacher knows, you need to have both feet hip width distance apart firmly planted on the ground and squared. Hey you know how looks like that????
Yup Wonder Woman!!
There have been many life lessons that I have learned along the way thus far and there are many more to come. One thing that couldn’t be more clear is that if someone needs you to play small to justify their own existence then they are not people you need to be around. People who make you shine. People who glow when you have successes. People who help pick you up when you are falling. THOSE are the people you need to be around .
As we discussed in our chat Last Words when my friend passed away I learned that life is WAY too short to be allowing yourself to be treated abusively. It’s time to move forward and blaze a new path! Instead, allow yourself to be free to be YOU not a meeker quieter version of you that suits other people’s issues with confidence and self esteem. If someone does not want to see you shine then they are not the person you need to be around. If other people need you to play small in order to make them feel good, that is not just an issue with their self esteem but it is actually a process of abuse that should not be tolerated.
It’s taking me time to get back up on my feet but I must say I am building myself up to be a lot stronger. Having gone through what I went through has made me stronger in my broken places. Never again will I allow another person to make me feel like it is not OK to be me. And I suggest you do the same. Listen to your intuition. If someone or something does not feel safe do not stay. There will always been light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes we just have to choose the option that feels less safe to help us realize that we were always safe to begin with especially once we choose to leave abuse.
Be free to be YOU. Rejoice in your beauty and never, ever let someone tell you different!