It’s Fall now in Boston and what that means is that it is rapidly turning from blistering hot to bone chilling cold. This beautiful tree on my street is usually the first to change color. When you live in an area of the country that has four seasons, nature provides various breathtaking examples of transition and transformation. The trees are blustery this weekend with rain and chilly winds. Gone are the days of beach bikinis to be replaced by a cozy new “cape” (this is a girly term for a blanket you can wear outside and appear fashionable rather than homeless.) Sorry dudes, it doesn’t go both ways. Please don’t throw on a cape. It does not become you.
Anywho, as we transition through the Fall, I bring you back to our last tea time chat Be The You Beneath You, life has been one big ever evolving theme of letting go of being a little girl so I can step into some big girl shoes. Yesterday I was having an FB message chat with a new supportive friend and fellow yoga teacher. We were talking a lot about becoming the You Beneath You; that you that you have always been but were too afraid to be. She recommended this book
So yesterday after spending a couple of hours wrestling with this issue while mulling over my homework for my business planning class, I went to Porter Square Books with a need to tackle these issues that have been holding me back.
Today I planned to hide in my house with the rain and wind blowing to stay in bed and read. This may sound amazing; luxurous even except for one thing……it is SO FREAKING connected to playing a woman much smaller than I am. I have spent SO much time at home this summer, hiding from the storms that have been pouring, pelting rain on my head for the past several months. I have spent my free time trying to restore from what feels like slaying dragons in my walking, waking life. This astrology report this week by Tom Lescher totally sums it all up
Tom talks about how we need to stop letting the stress we are under feed our insecurities and make us stay home to hide under the covers. I may think that this is what my body needs but that is only because I have been holding onto the stress and acting like I am the victim of my circumstances. I AM NO VICTIM. I signed up for what has happened and in some ways I am very happy I did. Why would I want to be going through such stressful times? Because the situation that I have been dealing with has brought to light something that I have needed to deal with for so long…..my lack of outward badassery. I have a bad ass mouth….let’s make no bones about that. I don’t take shit ON SOME LEVELS and then on others……well I can find myself spinning and venting without taking action.
It was with this beautiful retreat of a day I planned for myself that I layed in bed and read You Are a Badass. Given that I am a person who is no stranger to self help, meditation, yoga, spirituality, coaching and the such there really have not been many earth shattering suggestions. But I must say her approach and candor felt so much like me that I felt we could have been friends exchanging quips and stories on my cozy couch at home. Maybe it was just this kind of authenticity that got me to realize.
WTF Steph? You are a freaking badass
Why are you hinding out in this house AGAIN?
So it was with that realization that I got my ass out of bed through on my Wonder Women cape , laced up my BIG ASS Doc Marten books
and stepped out of the house to come to one of my favorite cafe/bookstores, Trident Booksellers Cafe. It takes me a bit to get here because it is on Newbury Street in Boston which isn’t exactly close to home but it’s always worth it. It is often the place where I find we have our chats.
Restoring is always important. We need our rest. We need to feel safe and secure. For me, my tree house of an apartment way up in the sky has always been that for me. But when restoring turns into shutting down you must ask yourself why. Why are you shutting yourself off from experiencing the love all around you? Why are you hiding? Who are you hiding from? A lot of times we are really hiding from ourselves. I think a bit of that has been going on for me. It’s easier for me to lay around watching the SAME chick flick over and over again than to get out there and open myself up to dating or meeting people. It’s hard to put yourself out there whether it be about meeting new friends/lovers or marketing your business. It’s also a lot easier for me to shut down than to do the work I need to do right now to move forward.
My business planning class is bringing all of this up to the surface. I find myself having a mental block when I open up this book up.
I know what it’s about…it’s FEAR. Today one of my yoga students said something that reminded me of how we can be our biggest enemies or mean mommies as I like to say. Being a badass isn’t about being all loud and obnoxious on a soap box for everyone to hear. It is about being courageous enough to be you with ease and grace. The loudest person is trying to prove a point. Everyone knows that so they don’t tend to listen to them. It is the quiet confidence that gets noticed. Being badass for me is feeling the fear pulsating through my body, taking a deep breath and doing it anyway. Not shutting down. Not giving up. Not being the drama queen. But instead, slowly, steadily being the turtle down the yellow brick road.
What does being a badass mean to you? How do you embody your inner bad ass? Today, I will go back to the gym because I have failed to do so during the last few weeks and I will move forward tackling my market research homework for my class knowing that it will help me get clearer and move through my fears.
Much love slaying the dragons and being your bad ass self!
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