So here we are….it’s the solar eclipse in Virgo. A new moon that is extra powerful. It is said that this during and between eclipses is an extremely powerful time for manifestation of new beginnings as well as a time when old stuff comes up for releasing. The old stuff we haven’t yet wanted to see. You know that stuff you hide from…the proverbial skeletons in the closet…ya that stuff. Well this past week has been just that. Something that hasn’t been working for as long as it’s been there is coming up to the surface to be cleared. As I mentioned in our chat Walk Away letting go of things that are not working for me is something that I have struggled with over time. It is totally all about fear. Fear of not being safe, secure and wrapped up in a warm blanket. I get scared of the consequences that I perceive could come and I cling on like a kid in a game of tug of war at summer camp. My hands are burning and hurting but I still hang on. I think
“maybe this will change. Maybe if I hang on tighter things will get better.”
IT NEVER DOES
IT JUST HURTS MORE
So as with most things lately, the Universe is just not having it. Since I wasn’t ready to let go…it did the letting go for me. The full release has not occurred yet but the wheels are in motion and the car is beginning to head down hill. While my mind thinks that it’s about to crash into an oncoming car, my heart knows different. I know that this is just the beginning to yet another amazing life change.
This year has been utterly and completely exhausting. And yet….at the same time….pretty damn amazing. Shifting from working in a model of illness to wellness has made me focus more on my own health and well-being. Wellness coaching for me feels more of a chance to share the gifts that I have been given through my process of healing. I have seen more growth happen within myself at lightening speed than ever before. This is what has been helping me through this new lightening round of the merry-go-round. At my grandmother’s house there is a school at the end of the street. A big park is there that had (I am sure it’s no longer there) this merry-go-round. You know the ones from the 70s/80s that were death traps just waiting for a kid to get swung off them….YUP that’s the one. I was never one for amusement rides. The concept of fear being exciting never quite did it for me. Also being a delicate little flower, my stomach would go right up my esophagus and out my mouth when I got on them. Not delicate. Not pretty. One of my older cousins loved to push that thing around and around until I screamed and ran home to tell my Mommy….most likely leaving something lovely for someone to clean up as well. So as you can see…holding on for dear life to things that don’t work because I am afraid of the up and down of the ebb and flow would be VERY much my modus operandi..
All this being said there is something that is rising up to the surface as we chat. The connection between my gut and these situations is HUGE. The gut instinct is biologically connected by the enteric nervous system (ENS.) The ENS is known as the second brain which is wiser than the brain in our heads that we over use. Both brains are connected by the vagus nerve which is the 10th cranial nerve and travels from the brain stem all the way to the heart and through the organs to land in your gut. I talk about this a lot in my work. When I look back in time to the beginning of the current situation that is changing I think
“ahhhhh yeah Steph…you knew that first day….you didn’t totally know HOW things would play out but you knew there would be a play and it wouldn’t be like watching a Broadway show at the Opera House.”
Yup. I knew….I didn’t completely pay attention. I did but I put it aside thinking that person/situation wouldn’t be that bad. I have handled MUCH worse. That is what happens when we are not ready to be completely aware and responsible for our own self care. This is what happens when we are not centered in our own self love. When we are not ready to be our own safety blanket in the storm. This…this is what this summer has been about. This summer’s lesson has been about self love. It has brought up all the things that I wasn’t confident enough to deal with. Things my former insecure self was too scared of dealing with head on. They ALL blew up and revealed themselves. The Universe has given me no more time to play small. No more time to go along with the status quo despite being angry, frustrated, scared.
NO MORE TIME FOR ANY OF IT
Since I wasn’t taking the bull by the horns, the bull started to charge. And just as spiritual growth would have it….I have been ready and willing to respond differently. I am just not interested in tolerating the things that I was tolerating because of fear. Even though I am afraid, something inside shifted. I feel like I am standing a lot taller these days and a thousand times clearer. You can go along with the crowd and play the game (if you can, I have never been good at this, obviously:) But if you are miserable while you are there, if you are sacrificing your own happiness in fear of going against the grain then in effect you are dead. Gonzo. THAT is where I have been for some time. Playing a game I didn’t believe in because I was afraid of there being no other option. Well now I feel like there has to be because if there isn’t then what is the point. I can no longer compromise my own light. I just can’t.
Change goin’ come….that’s just what life is about. My brother just told me a quote that is fitting…
“When you come to a fork in the road,
always take the fork”
Always choose to make change when the opportunity for change is presented. Things should constantly be changing because that is life. If you are static then life is living you…you are not living it.
I don’t know where the next change will be taking me but I know in my heart it is somewhere light, bright and full of positivity. I am beginning to see how this summer has set me up for taking the next step towards focusing my career in wellness. If we are not well, we can’t help others becomes so. Our thoughts influence our feelings which influence our actions. If we stay in the light….allow ourselves to be the light…then all we see is
Be the light. See the light. What is the option? Misery. Hell’s NO! Keep looking for the light. It’s all around you. Sometimes it’s even in the sky:)) New beginnings are hard to start. They bring up all the old stuff. This happened this morning for me. But instead of reacting, I now can see it for what it is, smile and say “thank you but I am no longer there. I will choose another way.” Allow new beginnings to be an exciting opportunity for rebirth. Acknowledge the fear, smile and say “thank you but no thank you.” Best wishes along your journey of new beginnings!