Life has been so crazy lately. There was just a full moon, did you see that? Per usual, when I am feeling crazy and worried and basically all up in my head…I see hearts like this one on my cutting board while cleaning my kitchen:) Ah the hearts….they are always good for a laugh as they remind me that fear is just a feeling….it is not a fact.
There had been a drought of sorts in my life. A void that was, at times, hard to fill. What does a Type A girl do with all the time in the world? Um that’s not hard to figure out especially given that she is half Italian….she worries. She frivolously spends her time worrying about the present, worrying about the future interspersed with time Ommmming, working out and sitting in the sun (when it comes out that is:). Crazy I know….but that is my life.
In the moments of fear and panic I am generally struck with bursts of gratitude. It kind of feels a bit like a bat up against my head; but a loving bat at that. I feel in these moments that it is true what everyone says “things happen for a reason.” Life has been chock full of lessons this year. When I found out the upsetting news as a teenager that I was stunted at 5 foot 2 inches boy was I wrong. I wasn’t NEARLY done growing. Lately the growth is coming with more ease. It’s like the doors have flung open (much like my back door has been with the vicious wind we are having) and opportunity after opportunity are flying is me. So you must think “Wow that’s awesome congrats!”
Yeah….I say. Yeah. My inner crazy is activated all over again and I am thrown back into working on my OMMMMMM. Fear is just a feeling I say and then I take a deep breath.
Being a person who struggles with being high strung is not easy. The strive to achieve is so strong that it’s hard to sit back and be all congratulatory to yourself. You are almost always “Ya butting” yourself. And yet as I sit here having responded to several emails about opportunities it felt appropriate to share with you my struggle to pause and appreciate this moment. It feels like it would be a good time to exhale and take it all in and yet I am wondering what the next thing is and the next. Worried about opportunities coming and not coming. Worry, worry, worry. Fear is just a feeling I say and take a deep breath.
It is these times that make me laugh the most at myself; like a total LOL not a fake one! Seriously while we are overly concerned about the fake things that may or may not happen, real life is right here waiting for you to say hello. It’s almost like life is the geeky kid on the sidelines of the high school dance waiting for the cute girl to come up to talk to him. You….or I….don’t even see real life because we are WAY too overly occupied with fake life. (OMG this is totally what it’s like, right?) So this is why I started doing yoga. Yoga and meditation have the potential to bring me right into the present moment like nobody’s business. I feel my breath, I feel my muscles stretch, I close my eyes and see colors. I see brilliant colors and visions in my meditations. Sometimes, even for a brief moment, I feel like I am floating and for that I am very grateful. Fear is just a feeling I say and take a deep breath.
Fear is a feeling. It can be a destructive feeling but it is just a feeling. Although fear feels real, it is not. It is simply an imposter. It is a poser for real but it is NOT real. Most of the things that I am afraid of, so far, have never happened. Things that were scary that I didn’t think would happen did…but that’s another story. Even in the moments when there have been scary surprises, I still was able to eventually get to the point of seeing that it was there to teach me a valuable lesson. Life has a funny way of teaching us what we need to learn. So much of what happens in life is here to teach us about ourselves.
We get all caught up in the tiny details particularly when we feel we have been wronged. But we are completely missing the point. We are on this planet to learn. Fear can be healthy sometimes because it can cause you to be cautious and clear. But it also can cause you to lose your clarity altogether. For me, my fear often is completely unfounded and when I am in it, I am the furthest away from who I am at the core. At the core I am a lot more carefree than I ever allow myself to be. I would probably be happiest traveling around experiencing the world. Real life concerns or fears keep me bound; sometimes too tightly. While this can still be true, I live my life today a lot more fluidly than I ever did before. I say yes to more things knowing that if it isn’t a fit, I can then say no. I try not to bind myself up in my fears because so far they haven’t come true. I am happiest when I say hello to my fears, allow them to come for the ride but I don’t let them drive. (A suggestion from Elizabeth Gilbert in “Big Magic” that totally fits in these moments!)
Fear is just a feeling, it is not a fact. When you are caught up in your fears ask yourself this question “What can I do for someone else today?” And then do it. Open the door for someone, throw a buck in someone’s can, buy someone coffee or let someone go in front of you in traffic. Whatever, just do it. Fear is a narcissistic and it will make you one too. So instead of listening to it all the time…(you knowhow narcissists like to talk about themselves right?), just get outside yourself and enjoy life.
Fear is just a feeling….that is all. It is energy and it will move if you move it. So get outside and bust a move!