Today is Patriot’s Day, also known as Marathon Day here in Boston. It ‘s a day that has become associated with the “Boston Strong” logo for strength and community after the bombing at the marathon two years ago. While anniversaries are always a time to look back and think of ourselves as “survivors” I would like to talk about something else; something personal.
This weekend I decided that a new day was dawning for me. It was time to put a close to my yoga project for recovery, Soba Yoga, so as to make space for a creative transition into something broader that would help a larger segment of the community.
This is not something I EVER thought I would do. For any of you that have entrepreneurial energy, you know that having an idea or concept that you bring into fruition is much like having your own baby or sorts. It is something that was born from you and only you. It is something that you need to fiercely believe in before it even makes sense to do so. Anyone who knows me knows over the past almost two years Soba Yoga has been that for me. I have poured my time, energy, money and commitment into it. At times there were stretches where I got a glimpse of what I was intending to build and other times where it was baron. During the times when there was no one I knew that this was the time when I needed to believe beyond belief in myself and my commitment towards creating something new and different. If you have ever done that you know it can be excruciatingly hard at times and requires an inordinate amount of blocking out of the voices around you. Interestingly in order to come to this decision and others lately, I have had to do the same thing. Only once I could sit within silence could I really hear what needed to be heard.
The decision I made this weekend had been coming for the past couple of weeks. Once a recent sudden transition occurred within my career, I knew that other changes were bound to occur as well. Slowly as I settled into my new life I began to see that what I created no longer fit into my new world. It was too small. There was a new day dawning within me and I knew eventually I would need to honor that. I began to see that through building my baby I forgot a very important person along the way…..ME. I didn’t factor in myself much into the picture. I charged full speed ahead. all the way up until recently, only until it appeared that I was totally heading in the wrong direction. Although it wasn’t like it was COMPLETELY the wrong direction (like the story that my mother likes to tell where I was heading to Maine in my 20s and ended up down in Cape Cod….and no she’s not kidding:) No it was nothing like that. It was more like you take the long more complicated way to get to the same place. I was meandering along thinking that the direction I was going was the one I wanted and needed to go in all the while a voice inside me was whispering “This needs to be bigger. This is too small. This is not what you are intending.”
I learned so much along the way from building Soba Yoga. Most of the life lessons are unfolding as we speak. I have learned that when you are under pressure your focus can be narrowed and it is really hard to see the forest through the trees when you are caught up in it. I never once thought about the financial aspect of the project when I started it. It was only once I took a business class where that came into play. I wanted to help…I wanted to serve and I wanted to speak a voice that wasn’t being heard otherwise. Now that I sit here for tea with you, you should know you are sitting with a different person than you were three years ago. The key in life is to let yourself learn along the way and let go of the concept of failure. There is no such thing as failure when you realize what life has to offer. Life has offered me a plethora of ways to grow stronger over the past three years. Not only has there been challenges but there have also been many successes. I have learned that I am creative beyond my imagination and it wouldn’t have been the case had I stayed stuck where I was before I took a leap of faith three years ago and left a full time job I had for over a decade.
I am proud of the fact that I had the gumption to follow my heart. It may not have ended where I thought it would but that’s OK because there really is no ending. As Soba Yoga draws to an end, it is the beginning of something much bigger that couldn’t fit within the scope of what Soba Yoga had to offer. Two weeks ago this decision felt like someone was ripping something away from me. But today I feel like my palm has opened and the proverbial dove is flying above me. I am excited about what is to come.
If I can offer up anything to you from my process it is to
Let the new day dawn. I seriously can make change far more painful for myself because I grip onto things for dear life. A friend called me on Friday night after I had made the decision and was sitting in a pile of tears on my yoga mat. Her response…in a way only she can say “Oh come on. Stop it. It’s only going to turn into something much bigger. You’ll see.” And off we went to meet up and have some laughs. This kind of response does not come easy to me. I tend to wallow in things and berate myself for not being perfect. I am slowly learning that if I want to be creative then I also have to be flexible and compassionate with myself. That type of perfectionism KILLS creativity. So do as I say not as I do and give yourself a break. And at the same time…I will too:)
Today I have a plan to go off and enjoy this beautiful day full of strength and compassion. Let the new day dawn. Turn your perceived failures into opportunities for growth. See that there is beauty in everything including (or most importantly) YOU! The ole everything happens for a reason appears to be suiting as well as Steve Jobs “you can’t connect the dots looking forward, only looking backwards.” Life is meant to be lived. In order for that to happen we need to set ourselves free. So go ahead, fly baby like the dove above you!
P.S……BTW, I know that this picture is a SUNSET and not a SUNRISE. If you know me…and now you do….you know….I do not do sunrises unless I am struggling with insomnia:) The dawning of the new day happens when I am getting my sleep on…:)