The field of social work was founded by this amazing woman, Jane Adams. She was a pioneer, activist, wriwho stter and all around a woman stood up for the rights when it was unheard of for a woman to have a voice. She formed settlement houses to help the poor and blazed a trail for women’s’ rights. She up for the rights of the poor and basically created the field of which became my career.
Most recently Jane has been on my mind. Much thought has been given great thought to the foundation of the career path I chose. The last 24 hours have brought it into great clarity. What occurred over the past 24 hours you ask? Well a whole lot of
I have been a HUGE advocate over the years for others but for myself I can sometimes fight internally but hold more of a quiet stewing type of anger externally. You get the gist right? You probably have struggled with this at some point as well I am sure. It is more familiar than it is not especially in a world where financial pressures make it such that people feel that they need to PUT UP more than STAND UP.
Well I tell you….when my get up stood up I felt that intense moment of fear and exhilaration all mixed into one. You know that moment when you know you no longer can keep your mouth shut? Like you have been swallowing your words for so long you can’t even imagine that you have any more storage room inside you for anything else. Yup that’s the feeling. It had been building from the moment when I knew I was going to do it. It started like a small whisper inside and then it began to grow into a louder roar. It started to feel a bit like the Little Engine that Could. It kept going up the hill and it’s voice was growing
I think I can’t I think I can, I think I can
and then it grew even louder
I know I can, I know I can, I know I can
I knew it was time to let it out. And that I did. In that moment, I burnt up a sh*t load of karma! I sit here with you for tea today honestly feeling a bit fractured and vulnerable. You know when you take the top off that proverbial pot that’s boiling sometimes it spills over…that’s me a little today. Life is really totally uncertain at this point but in all reality is life ever certain?
That’s a big HUGE Hell’s NO
When you are playing it safe and swallowing your words to keep the peace you THINK life is safe and things are more certain than not, but in all reality you are still living in that same unsafe, uncertain world everyone else is in. The difference between you and everyone who is being more authentic is that you my friend (which was me too) are living a slow death. Yup it’s like the Grim Reaper is right on your tail, lurking over your shoulder. You feel it don’t you? It’s that dark cloud that is quickly going from gray to dark charcoal black.
Swallowing my words not only was breaking down my spirit but literally it was breaking down my body. For the past year I have struggled with congestion that turned into more of a cold last week. Guess what happened when I made the decision that I would speak???? YUP you guessed it….I began going through that disgusting process of cleaning congestion.
The light starts to shine through!
NO JOKE just me knowing I was going to speak my swallowed words began to clear my throat. I still have some congestion and there is still stuff to be dealt with that is incredibly stressful but what has been done has been done. There is no going back and it has intimately changed my life in the most literal of ways. My health is coming back. My spirit is slowly coming back on line.
The final pieces of this transition are needed to be worked out. My fragmented self is still a little on edge about that. But ultimately the change that occurred is so much bigger than the worked out details needed in the physical world. Whatever those details are, they pale in comparison to having my voice back.
Relate much? I bet you do. We can all get into a situation where we swallow our words, squelch our voice and become small so as to fit in and maintain the peace. Whose the one is has the least amount of peace in that situation? Yup
You, Me, Us
This was a pattern for me. A piece of my karmic history. But I know that it’s over. I will not do this to myself ever again. I refuse to play small to fit in. If people don’t feel comfortable with me having a voice, then they are definitely not the people I need to be around.
I feel a little of my inner Jane Adams coming back. Her spirit was what drew me forth to become a social worker. The key piece that is missing in most social workers is the GET UP, STAND UP for their own rights. That my dear, has been part of this life lesson.
As Buddha has been quoted to say….
“If your compassion does not include yourself then it is not complete.”
Cheers to standing up for your own rights!
Cheers to embracing self compassion and self love!