Today is the second day after Thanksgiving. The second day I have had totally and completely off. It is strange to have space to just be. It feels decadent. The kind of decadent that match eating a piece of flourless chocolate cake. Serious.
Yesterday I had the most magical day. I spent it doing yoga, making broth from the bones of our Thanksgiving turkey, reading the book “Big Magic” by Elizabeth Gilbert and writing. It was fabulous. The air was warm and the windows were open. It hardly felt like Thanksgiving in New England that’s for sure. In the afternoon I went for a walk preparing to go see the tree lighting at Macy’s in Downtown Crossing. This my special holiday tradition. I get all warm and fuzzy on the inside like I am made of a shearling coat. As a treat I went to one of my favorite boutiques to shop in, Nomad in Cambridge, MA. This store is WAY to expensive for me but I always end up finding a piece here or there that I can buy to make my wardrobe feel special.
Today was a different kind of day. A magical kind of day. I went into the store seeking something special and special I did get. In the kids section I came upon this book by Kobi Yamada…
And immediately my eyes filled with tears because I knew just what it had to be about. It was about what Elizabeth Gilbert writes about in Big Magic; ideas and what we do with them. It’s one of those children’s’ books that so is not a childhood tale. It is the tale that only an adult can understand because only an adult would abandon an idea. Only an adult, with it’s rational mind full of fear would look an idea in the face and say “shoo get away. I don’t have time for you.”
The book is written in the first person and the writer dedicates it to his children. It tells the tale of a child who has an idea and the idea continues to follow him around. The end of the tale goes like this
BAWLING in the middle of the store.
Tears streaming down my face as the ladies from elite ladies of Cambridge marvel at the beautiful clothes.
Tears coming down that only I would know the meaning of.
The ladies…their voices seem louder and louder as they ooooo and ahhhh over the fabric
The room gets smaller and I begin to feel overstimulated. I don’t know what’s going on. Wasn’t I just reading about this same thing at home from the book that is now in the bag that I carry?
Do I stay? Do I go? My friend calls me on my phone wanting to come pick me up not knowing that this moment is very different than others. I say sorry, no I am having a moment. I need to walk it out. I will talk to you after.
I buy the book and leave.
Why is this moment so different from the rest? Because this tale tells the tale of my idea….of SOBA YOGA ™. My yoga project for recovery.
It tells the tale of how I have felt for years about the idea of teaching yoga for substance abuse recovery. My friend told me YEARS ago that this is what I should do. I listened, we laughed and the idea was placed on the shelf. Why you ask? I was too overwhelmed. I was too burnt out working in the field and I was WAY too insecure and feeling suffocated to think of a way that I could make such a thing occur. About a year and a half ago my frustrations outweighed my fears. A call to action came upon me while cooking in my kitchen and I thought
“If no one is going to stand up for the rights of others to heal then I am going to. If no one is going to teach people that they can heal themselves then I must be that person.”
And so it is. SOBA YOGA ™ was born three months later. Space was found, a logo created, flyers and postcards distributed and a bazillion emails, faxes and phone calls were made. We were up and running We started with two studios and then decided to focus our efforts on one. Until recently….when another call to action came up inside of me and I realized that another change MUST be made. Space was found and the preparations for a re-launch were made.
Recently someone asked me about the re-launch of SOBA YOGA ™ in a space that I will rent. She asked “Why haven’t you done this earlier?” All I could say to her was that I was too scared to realize that this was actually a feasible idea. I was all “the numbers are not there yet. The financial cost is too high. I don’t have the money to buy my own props. I get a lot of people who come from the yoga studio website. I am not sure how this will happen on its own. Yadda, yadda, yadda.” You get the picture.
My mind can create MANY excuses for me to not step up to the plate
And yet there was this idea that wouldn’t stop following me around.
It kept telling me “You NEED to be in your own space. You NEED to be more creative with this or it is going to fade.”
And wouldn’t you know…the idea called to me in not such a soft voice and I listened. The voice sounded much like a good friend who is a spiritual guide for me who often gives it to me raw and straight just like I like it. She always tells me that all my work needs to be out on my own and that the biggest thing getting in my way is my mind. Yes….it is. This could be said for any of us who have an idea that could change the world but we are too afraid to step up to the plate.
The thing that I have noticed since SOBA YOGA ™ was born is that it has radically changed one person in particular. And that person is…..
I have changed so much from the birth of SOBA YOGA ™. I guess it could be in line with how a parent feels about the birth of their child. I am forever changed…in a good way. This idea came to me as a call to action to shift how we think about recovery from substance abuse back to it’s roots of spirituality. But it has done so much more to me than I could probably ever do for it.
It has given me life.
It has reignited a passionate flame inside.
It has made me feel alive again.
I can’t thank my idea enough. I can not bow at the alter of SOBA YOGA ™ long enough to thank it for what it has done to me. We are now on a path to greatness. The future feels vast and great. I am working on taking my fears along for the ride but not letting them be in the driver’s seat. It’s time to release the free spirit inside and embrace that at the core, I really am a creative artistic soul. In order for creativity to live and breathe it needs me to pay homage to it.
So it was with a heart much like the Grinch in the end of the tale, that I went to the tree lighting and danced my ass off to young boy bands singing rocking holiday carols. When the tree lit and the confetti flew, I felt another mystical moment shine upon me.
I am so very grateful this year for so much. It has been one of the LONGEST years of my life (apart from 2012 that is) but it has been one that has also brought the most growth I have ever seen inside of me. I hope you have had a blessed holiday and that your heart is filled with love. Honor your ideas. Cherish them. Don’t ignore them because they WILL haunt you if they are meant to be born inside you. If not they will find another vessel to inhabit and will be someone else’s baby.
It is with much gratitude that I say HAPPY THANKSGIVING AND BRING ON THE HOLIDAYS@!!
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