It always seems that this time of year goes by so quickly. I haven’t talked to one person lately who isn’t going through a lot emotionally. Lots coming up to the surface for people to clear away or for some, to be swept away within it. If you are at all interested in astrology, there are many astrologers who have been talking a lot about this Universal shift that is taking people down into the dark places that they often try to hide from. This is occurring within each of us so that we may go in, excavate and come out to release what we no longer need. You know you’ve got some old baggage you have been carrying around with you that is holding you down. For me this Fall and early Winter has a been a bit of a heavy one. I am just beginning to come out of. Lots going on and bubbling up to the surface. It has been a huge time of emotional healing. Last week I came upon this song by Bill Withers on one of my yoga playlists. I have always loved this song. It always brings to mind the true meaning of life. Connection, community. the big L-O-V-E. It also brings up issues around vulnerability. In a recent discussion about the topic of that dreaded v word, I was reminded of earlier years in my life when I couldn’t, no wouldn’t, trust anyone but maybe two people. Why this was is less important than the fact that it was the case. I very much struggled with insecurity and fear. I know this sounds crazy, the person who is insecure and fearful goes into working in corrections, addictions and trauma. Yup, I went right into the center of it all and got triggered for most of the years that I worked in the field. But it was that triggering and then my subsequent response to healing the triggering that helped me work through some of these issues. Opening up to leaning on others has been an unfolding process. One that has not been easy but has been necessary in order to feel less burdened and more free.
This brings me to our last chat Allowing Life to Unfold as it Should We discussed the holidays with it’s pressures to have fake happiness and connection. Man have I been hearing people talk lately about being fed up with THAT pressure! The pressures that we are all going under Universally these days are causing us to get real about what we want and don’t want. A lot of people are just done with all the SHOULDS in life and are ready to live a more authentic and fulfilled life. I know that things are becoming more crystal clear for me around relationships; both the ones that work and the ones that don’t. I am beginning to feel the energy of wanting more connections that are authentic and real. You know that feeling when you are with someone who just “gets it.” That’s what I am talking about. This level of clarity has me putting myself out there more and letting the Universe know I am ready for a change to occur. In order to open up to trusting others you first have to begin to trust yourself. Maybe that was the problem for me in the past. I was so unclear, so unsure of myself, so deeply judgmental of myself that I couldn’t even imagine that anyone else wouldn’t be as well. I was so stuck in my own narcissistic mind that it was hard to imagine that others wouldn’t see me as I saw myself. I have always had people around me who were supportive but I either sought out their support if I felt like I was drowning or I didn’t bother to let anyone know that I needed help. Always one extreme or the other. Now I am much more capable of seeing what I need help with and what I don’t. I have always been able to do for myself but generally it was with a big boulder on my shoulder. That boulder is beginning to go heave hoe which feels so much better.
This whole process of beginning to trust and lean other others reminds me of the scene in How the Grinch Stole Christmas when the Grinch’s heart begins to grow in size. You know you know that scene. Here it is on YouTube just in case you are too busy these days to catch it
When we open up to ourselves and then to others, we literally begin to feel like the Grinch in this scene. Our heart grows and grows. We begin to realize that all that self judgment is really not only isolating us, causing self harm and danger but it is also all about YOU. While you are focusing so much attention inward, you are ignoring all those people around you. People who care for you, people who like you, people who may not even know you but are around you just the same. Leaning on others, whether literally or more figuratively, causes us to come into the realization that we are part of a whole. We are just a small part of this big Universe. We are only as alone as we make ourselves be. At this time of year when forced togetherness is so apparent, there is often also a yearning to be a part of something bigger than yourself. How can you honor that feeling and be connected in a way that feels really good to you? How might you let go of your old resentments, insecurity, fears, etc and reach out to someone you know or maybe even someone you don’t know to let them know you are there and care? For me, I have reached out in a couple ways most recently. Ways in which I would never have done in the past because today I want to give myself the gift of receiving. I am also working on recommitting to daily meditation practice as I know that when I do, feeling open and connected just flows easily from within.
Cheers to receiving the gift of receiving in a way that feels OH SO GOOD!!