I could look at and listen to Ben Harper sing all day and night…every day as if it was water, air, food to feed my soul. Many moons ago I had the opportunity to see him in concert at a time in my life when I couldn’t fully appreciate the beauty within his lyrics. There was other beauties I was more concerned with at that time in my life…yuck yuck yuck:) Any who, this morning I was going through my music to find a good jam for my T ride to work and I came upon this song. While there have been many times over the past year and a half when this song spoke to me, lately it sums up the process I have been in. I have missed you all greatly but have been moving through some shedding literally and figuratively that has taken my attention away from our tea time. Me, the creative Pieces, the disorganized type A person (if there isn’t such a thing than I created it over the years) has actually been working on organizing my life. It began with working on this figuratively and then quickly took on a very literal form through house projects. I now have a file cabinet with colored file folders holding everything one would need to find in a pinch. My herbs that I use for making my own herbal teas are in glass Ball jars and labeled. My spice rack has baskets in which I put my spices including those that I buy in bulk. The documents on my new computer are in the process of getting sorted and organized. Some workshops will be placed in binders for viewing if needed. Books have been donated. The biggest change that has happened thus far that relates to Mr. Harper is that I have honored the changes and shifts within me by throwing out old manuals that were related to a time in my life when I was confused, scared and lost. That by far felt like the biggest load I could have lifted off my shoulders. Honestly at times I have felt like “who am I” and others times I have felt like “I am a confident self assured loving soul who has a vision and needs space for it to unfold.” Life is changing more internally than externally these days and it feels like a rapid shift that I am not always up for. Thank God for the Voice for providing some levity along the way!
Leaving behind who you once knew yourself to be is painful at times; exhilarating at others. As with any spiritual process, once you open up to the unfolding there is no going back. Maybe that is why I love this song so much. It honors that things weren’t all bad; it’s just the bad
parts that made it worth leaving. I loved parts of my past. There were always good times. People who I hope will always be in my life. But there was always this aching, gnawing feeling that I wasn’t living the life I wanted. I often denied my own truth so that I could find a way of just getting by day to day. The days added up to months, years of being angry and frustrated. As I have stated recently, I was
always feeling like something or someone was holding me down. I now have come to realize that it was me that was holding myself back. That realization has been really quite sobering to say the least. It still comes up from time to time. That feeling that somehow I will always fall just short of finding true happiness. But then I am reminded that happiness is always right here, right now. It isn’t someplace else or in someone else. It is right here for the taking. Freeing myself of that part of myself that was so scared to just honor what felt right and what didn’t was really wild. I don’t even know why it was that I kept all those things around me for so long. I guess there was a part of me that was
afraid to release them; still holding onto the fear again. I now realize I got what I could get from that time in my life. I have learned the
lessons and am ready to move forward to learn the next ones. The parts of my past that I cherish are still with me in my heart. They will always be there. The memories of reality tv show parties with my fun favorite old roommate and friend. The silliness that we got into in those days including me tap dancing for her in our dining room. She always had a way of helping me out of my blues by playing dress up when my smile was upside down. I will always cherish the times I have had along the way but it is now time to release the pain so the happiness can shine.
As Ben Harper says in this song…you put the happy in my ness, you put the good times into fun. This is how I feel now about the people that I have the opportunity to work with and be around. By releasing the past, I have found a new found sense of joy. I find that I draw people towards me that have the same goals; they just want to be happy. They want to find peace. As we discussed in our last chat What is Your Personal Legend? my mission these days is to help anyone who wants to access authentic happiness and joy within, through yoga, nutrition, community and connection. That mission is not only for my work but is for me. I have the intention to continue to work towards walking away of what no longer serves me so that I have more space for the things that do. Sometimes that’s not always an easy choice. It is not always instantaneous (which is the part of the process I struggle with the most…ugh no patience:) But eventually when things don’t feel right, they usually find a way of just falling off. I had the amazing opportunity to meet with a young social worker in school who wants to be a part of a self care group for social workers I am creating. I can’t even tell you how awesome that feels. Others have contacted me wanting to be a part of this as well so soon we will have a real group . By walking away from my own burnout and leaving behind what was dragging me down, I am finding that I am attracting young people who want what I have found. So let’s hear it…what are you ready to walk away from? A job that no longer works? A relationship that is dead and old but still around? A diet that is hurting you? Whatever it is, know this, you have the power to make the choice to start the process rolling and manifest what it is that fills
you up with love and happiness.
Best wishes along the path!