As I continue to allow the teachings of the Dali Lama to wash over me, I just knew that a personal day was needed.  Not a day to run around and do errands constantly but a day to be slow and present.  As we slowly begin our descent into winter, today has been yet another rainy day in Boston; which has been perfectly in line with my plans for the day.   In taking some time to be still, I was able to come back to myself.  Lately, I have been vaciliating between being in the process of moving through intense emotions to re-reading the Alchamist to watching a marathon of Gilmore Girls on Netflix. While this process has been delicious on some level, on another my mind has at times been judging the whole series of events. Then in comes the image of His Holiness in my mind and I soften to myself.  A voice inside says “just be here.  Just let in love” and again I soften.   As I continue to soften I can actually see myself putting compassion into action towards myself.  Slowly the outbreath is soft and I rest in the knowing that all is well and I am enough.  In our chat Love in Action  I discussed how witnessing His Holiness’s love in action made me reflect on the lack of love I was showing myself.  Today I can say that I feel a transition occurring.  I feel a return to a deeper affection for myself than I have had in some time.  It’s interesting, much is written and spoken about falling in love with others but not much is discussed about the process of falling in love with one’s self.  Why is that?  Why are we encouraged to continue to spill all our attention and energy into others in a way that causes us to total forget about ourselves? What would that even look like?

For me, falling in love with myself means that I am living from my core truth.  I have always been a truth speaker but not always a truth liver (I know that is not a word, stop judging:)  I began the path of living my truth last year and with many bumps in the road I continue to let it all unfold.  Old patterns are beginning to come to light and start to shed.  I see very clearly where I am holding myself back and withholding love from myself.  The Alchemist is a story written by Paulo Coelho about Santiago, a shepard  who goes out to travel the world.  In his travels he comes across a king who speaks to him about one’s own search for their “Personal Legend.”  The king states that a Personal Legend is “what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what their Personal Legendis. At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible.  They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives.  But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their Personal Legend.”  Later in the tale Santiago realizes “the closer one gets to realizing his Personal Legend, the more that Personal Legend becomes his true reason for being.”   Hmmmm sounds so beautifully connected to finding love within.  If your Personal Legend is connected to your true reason for being, then it in affect is connected to your soul.  For me, I think that my soul is where true love resides within me, for me.  My Personal Legend has become clearer and clearer over time.  As I become more aware of what it is, I realize that it resides smack dead in the center of the part of myself that was covered up with stress, fear, obligations, expectations projections, etc.  It is so connected to the core of my truth.  It is a connection as deep as the one between chocolate and peanut butter (those of you that know me know that I mean business with this metaphor!)  All of life’s struggles, most of which are internal, are often causing us to further detach from self love and therefore making the quest for our Personal Legend more challenging and bringing up feelings of impossibility.  If our Personal Legend is smack dab in the center of our being, then it would mean that the quest is truly much more of an inner journey than a trek across the world.  We seek outside for love, affection, admiration, acceptance, happiness.  We go all over the world trying to find what we possess within.  Wow, we are really brilliant  beings, huh?