Embracing Good Enough
So many transitions are coming up these days. Transitions in seasons, ways of being, projects being creating, stepping into the light, stepping away from the old, stepping into the truth. I could go on and on. I am witnessing it not just within me but all around me. I am finding myself super overcharged in wanting to move ahead and steam roll myself away from the things that no longer fit. It’s almost like I want to create this reality show about extreme Fall cleaning (although it doesn’t quite translate to the actual cleaning as I am hardly ever around to do that these days:) I just want to be done with all the things that represent old worn out me. And what’s happening in this process??? I am becoming a little like old worn out me:) Congestion that doesn’t want to clear and a body that would rather lay around in flannels and blankets than move. But move I do, tea I drink and herbs I take. Life is in process just like this gorgeous tree in the middle of the Public Gardens in Boston. While this tree looks gorgeous in it’s transition, I haven’t been feeling all that magnificent lately. And yet when I look at the progress that has been made in a very short period of time, a sneaky smile comes across my face. Girl, you ain’t so bad a little voice says.
And so it is, the process I am in. I am in beginning to shed layers that have been weighing me down for years. That nagging voice that accounts for every single thing I did or didn’t do perfectly is beginning to soften. All these years it’s been acting like Santa can actually hear and see what it is I’m doing or not doing. Lately life has been so hectic this layer of perfectionism.has been coming up for clearing. I don’t exactly know when it began to cultivate but this is my gremlin. The part of me that takes out a yard stick of perfection and measures every single thing I do up against it. Ugh of course I fall short every time. I have been a therapist forever. And now a wellness coach. It is my job to help others let their guard down and soften their relationship with themselves. Loving kindness that’s where it is at these days. And so as the Universe would have it this wellness coach needs to take a dose of her own medicine. In comes psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott’s theory of the good enough mothering. Here is an article in Psychology Today about Winnicott’s theory http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/headshrinkers-guide-the-galaxy/201205/in-search-the-good-enough-mother. Now who could argue with that? It is a very supportive and loving way of understanding the parent with multiple demands. On the T to work this morning I was reflecting on how I have begun to accept doing things “good enough.” These days most of the balls are in the air without dropping. Despite never being able to literally juggle, I am figuratively doing it quite well these days. The only way it is happening is by accepting that things are more than okay if they are good enough. If I want to be a good juggler it means that I will need to let go of worrying about how things appear or seem. If there is a flaw it doesn’t mean that flaw has much to do with who I am as a person. Besides the fact, our flaws are where our beauty shines through. So says my intellectual brain.
There is so much more to it than just accepting good enough on the surface. It wasn’t until I sat down for tea with you all that I began to reflect more on Winnicott’s theory and what meaning it might have right now. What if I were to become the good enough mother to myself? That might mean that even though I got sick, it doesn’t mean that I was being a faulty wellness coach to myself. If I were to become a good enough mother I would nurture myself through this challenging transition and realize that things are not always going to go well and that is okay. That things may fall and break (literally at times,) that I may forget to call people back and may make mistakes along the way but that this was all to be expected as the good enough mother. Hmmmm that sounds amazing. We wouldn’t judge a new mother for forgetting things, not being perfect and making mistakes. Why do we do that to ourselves? The perfectionist often thinks in their twisted mind that they have it all wrapped up in a way that others don’t. Little do they really know, control is an illusion and trying to control everything is only making you weary. If you gave yourself a little dose of the good enough mother, those frayed ends may begin to come back together again. What would that look like for you? How would you apply good enough mothering in a way that would make you feel supported, nurtured and loved? For me, I have been working on forgiving the part of myself that has felt as though it needed to carry the weight of the world on it’s shoulders. I have been working on apologizing for what that part of me has done to the rest of me. I take baths, drink lots of herbal tea, rest and indulge in cheesy televisions shows (The Voice is the BEST!) What have or could you do to help embrace good enough?
Cheers to giving yourself a big dose of TLC!
[…] I made with the teacher and the training itself brought up a lot of stuff. In our last chatEmbracing Good Enoughl I shared my challenges with perfectionism and the healing process I have been going through […]