This week I have been listening to this song on rotation over and over. I have been reflecting a lot lately on the chronological number that signifies the amount of years I have lived in this lifetime. I am thinking more these days about what I want for my life. This reflection began three years ago when I hit a milestone age and felt like it was time to let go of being part of the walking dead crew. A major step forward in waking up occurred last spring. As I approach the anniversary of that change I am even more moved to reflect on what steps have been taken; what’s working, what isn’t and what changes need to be made. I really love MC Yogi. Mostly because his music takes deep messages and brings them to the masses; people that maybe wouldn’t otherwise be able to hear. I have a silly spirit and find that bringing my humor into my yoga classes is a tool I can use, like teaching breath, to help people wake up. It is often that I have begun to teach a class only to realize that people are practicing yoga much like they were watching tv; completely checked out. Zombies in the room moving through poses but not feeling their bodies or aware of those around them. Through the use of music, sometimes very silly music, as well as joking around, my classes are beginning to totally shift around to have living, breathing and loving people practicing all around each other. Seeing this change has been humbling and really cool. This awareness also fits in with those that I have been reflecting about in my own life and the way in which we are living now a days. Many of us are like the walking dead. Completely checked out and missing the boat. Social changes seem to be happening in some areas but they are changes that are placing band aids on gushing wounds because we can stop to see where the root of the problem is. Last night before bed I had a thought….”how did we get so lost and how I can I be a part of the solution rather than a part of the problem.” This thought brought tears to my eyes before I drifted off to sleep. I awoke to find out that there was deadly shooting in what used to be an extremely safe neighborhood that I grew up in. And the beat goes on…..
While the slogan “be the change you want to see” seems to be over used and thrown around, it is something that has been settling in my bones as I continue to reflect on how I might continue to shift my life and my career into a place of practicing in a way that I feel brings me pride and joy. When all you see around you are continuous examples of destruction how do you keep going? It seems these days people are all too comfortable with ranting and raving on the Internet about this or that but have not been able to put that fire into good use. We are more used to being sheep who are herded by our masters. Step out of line and you might lose that job that is paying the bills, feeding your children and paying your rent/mortgage. So we continue to walk forward, like zombies, numbed out to the pain that we have and that we may be creating. I know this first hand because I did it for over the last decade. I have lived in fear. It is a very familiar place for me to go. When I go there, the sky is black and it is falling. I can barely tolerate my anxiety and there are far too many people I know who are in the same place. How do I get myself out of that dark hole? I often speak with friends who know me well and can give me the advice I give others but can’t seem to access in those moments of darkness. I get outside, literally and figuratively, so that I can see the forest through the trees. Lately, I have had a mix of being fired up about what I am seeing in the world that is deadened and not work but at the same time having realizations that I could be a person who could help build change. My inner voice keeps saying “if you don’t see it then you are meant to be the one to build it.” Every time those thoughts come up, I smile because I now not only have an innovative mind but I am increasingly gaining the confidence to put it into action. It has taken many years to shed the layers of insecurity and fear but these days the blossoms are blooming like crazy.
So back to that question…how did we get so lost and how do we find our way back? This goes for both we as the individual as well as the collective. How you find your way back to your heart will be your own personal journey. I would say that for the collective to find it’s way back we will need to start caring more about the whole than about ourselves. I have worked to pay the bills and keep myself afloat in fear just like everyone else. It has never worked for me because I am miserable. I now realize that I do not do well when the group think is based in fear. I am more of a free spirit than I ever gave myself credit for. Today, I take a step forward to begin to create space for more changes. Owning what you want for yourself is key but it will never manifest in any positive way unless it is for the whole. I know there are changes I want to make to increase my level of happiness but I also know that I will be happier when I am around more joy and less fear. There are certain aspects of what I do now that immediately make me smile. It has made me realize that it doesn’t really take much to make me happy. I am not different than you. Think about a time when you were truly happy, I bet it really was over something quite simple. How can you be the change you want to see in the world? How can you be a part of the solution rather than the problem? Today, I take one step forward to continuing this mission to free myself from fearful people, places and things to allow myself to breathe easier and spread joy.